The new trailer for Garry Marshall's romantic comedy clusterfuck New Year's Eve boasts such a wide range of celebrities.
Let's take a look at who didn't make the cut:
-Joe the Plumber
-the kid who plays Minkus on Boy Meets World
-Gloria Steinem
-Abe Vigoda
-Seth MacFarlane
-Penny Marshall
-J.C. Penney
-Marshall Mathers
-Wilson the volleyball
-Patrick Duffy
-Charlie Sheen
-Angela Lansbury
-the dog from Marley & Me
-Sinbad
-Janet Reno
-the Swedish Chef
-Boutros Boutros-Ghali
-Baby Spice
-Kathy Ireland
-Kathy Najimy
-the NY State Lotto guy
-the Old Spice guy
-Tay Zonday
-the Real Housewives of New Jersey
-those gay puppets from Avenue Q
-a hand grenade (this one would have much improved the movie)
Also, it is just me or does Hector Elizondo just get cast when they can't get Stanley Tucci? Because Lovely Bones would have been a very different movie with Hector Elizondo.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
dogs and cats and dogs and cats
this reminds me of college for 3 reasons:
a) you hear a capella beatboxing about 75 times more in college than in the real world
b) it was sent to me by the VAJMATAJ list. post-college, you get far fewer funny video chains. this, i think, is a travesty.
c) the word axolotl will always make me think of Children of Eden and specifically, Matt Stone in Children of Eden.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
What is Zumba?: A Cynic's Guide to Samb-ercizing
Lately, despite the fact that I am not one for diet/exercise trends, I've taken up Zumba. Zumba-- like its predecessors yoga, sushi, tae bo, and bahn mi-- has made its way from foreign lands straight to the luxurious Murray Hill Crunch gym. If you're wondering what the next of these trends will be, just imagine that Sex and the City were still on the air, picture what the girls are doing while talking about sex, and that's the new fad. My money's on either Ethiopian food or Thai sex trafficking. Cultural appropriation has never looked so chic.
For those not in the know, Zumba is a mix of Latin dance and jazzercise. Every class is populated by 2 thick black girls who look good doing the moves and 40 skinny white girls who don't. The instructor is neither of these. Instead she is that type of ethnically ambiguous girl who manages to be both skinny and have an ass. She has a wild mane of bouncy curls that she wears out, despite the fact that the rest of the class has opted for the high ponytail with optional sweatband and non-optional buckets of sweat. She is the kind of girl who moonlights as a dancer at bar mitzvahs, the only straight girl at a gay bar, and the only kind of person who looks reasonable wearing booty shorts in public. She was probably on Zoom or Kids Incorporated when she was a kid. She has the energy of a cruise ship director and somehow manages to make the hair toss, wide mouth smile, and enthusiastic "Woo!" seem natural.
(In case you don't believe me that this is a type, I can think of exactly one girl from high school and one girl from college who is literally this to a T. If you went to high school or college with me, you probably know them too. They are both stunningly beautiful and making a career acting now, so don't feel bad for them. As far as I know, neither of them has resorted to teaching Zumba or leading dances at bar mitzvahs.)
This is literally the first picture in the Google image search of Zumba teacher. Now do you believe me?
Previous to Zumba, I had taken exactly two classes at Crunch-- yoga and lyrical dance. And despite the fact that I've been dancing since I was 5 and doing yoga since high school, both classes were outrageously difficult for me. I mean, I am by no means great at either of them anymore. But everyone else in them seemed like they were professional yogis/lyrical dancers. So I sucked up the 60 bucks a month and didn't set foot in Crunch for like 3 months. (Meanwhile, it took me like a year to get Netflix Instant and when I finally do, they hike the em-effing prices.)
But somehow Zumba actually adheres to Crunch's otherwise bullshit guarantee of "No judgments." Everyone is moving to crazy music, shaking their hips, potentially thinking how great these moves are going to look on the weekend after 3 G&T&roofies (It is Murray Hill, after all). The teacher doesn't even explain any of the moves-- You're just supposed to follow what she's doing as close as possible. Nobody's body is moving like the teacher's, but nobody cares. There are "Indian" songs, "belly dancing" songs, "Mexican folk" songs, none of which really seem authentic -- mostly because they're all remixed with Pitbull-- but nobody cares. I hate big groups of skinny blonde girls and tend to avoid places where I'm surrounded by them (Pinkberry, sorority houses, Blockheads on a Friday night), but somehow I don't care. Zumba is the closest I've come to CityStep post-college, "crazy signs" post-Club Med. I am a convert. Somehow I have become the kind of girl who does Zumba and I freaking love it. No judgments.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Hometown hero Jesse Popp
I don't mean to get all high school theatre-y on you, but I have never seen the comedy community rally behind someone as hard as they did around Jesse Popp this past week-- his last week in New York before heading to sunny LA to become a Conan writer. Watching a room full of extremely talented comedians request an encore and then shout out their favorite of Jesse's bits at Beauty Bar this past Sunday brought a tear to my eye and made me un-cynical for a good 24 hours.
| Jokes.com | ||||
| Jesse Popp - Specific Horoscopes | ||||
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Wednesday, July 6, 2011
My dream hosts for the 2011-2012 SNL season
1. Mila Kunis
Now that she's a genuine movie star and sex symbol, it's definitely time for her to host. She seems like the kind of chill-ass girl who can knock a few back and hang with the boys.
2. Jim Parsons
He's racked up an Emmy and a Golden Globe for his work as Sheldon on The Big Bang Theory and is now acting on Broadway in The Normal Heart. I'd love to see him break out of his Sheldon mold on SNL.
3. Jason Segel
Always endearing and lovable, he was the saving grace to the otherwise uneven Bad Teacher, and manages to balance writing/acting in films with his regular gig on How I Met Your Mother. With his Muppet movie slated for release November 2011, he's a shoo-in. Bring out the puppets and the full-frontal nudity! (hopefully not in the same sketch)
4. Toni Collette
In United States of Tara, this Aussie transforms herself into a rambunctious teenager, a '50s housewife and a gruff trucker. No doubt she's got a few more characters and impersonations up her sleeve.
5. Jimmy Fallon
He's refined his voice on Late Night and made a couple of guest appearances in the past couple seasons of SNL, but has never returned as host. Break out the guitar! Bring back Jarrett's room! Let him re-visit the Update desk!
6. Chelsea Handler
She may not be for everyone, but she's a major force in comedy and the only female talk show host in late night. With an upcoming sitcom on NBC and a fourth book out now, this could be the year of Chelsea.
8. Ellie Kemper & Mindy Kaling
This one's a long shot, but with Kemper's role in Bridesmaids this summer and Kaling's book Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? coming out in the fall, these Office girls could be a powerhouse hosting team. Plus, Subtle Sexuality would make a great musical guest!
9. Kristen Bell
Since Veronica Mars wrapped, Bell has chosen projects that veered toward raunchy, nerdy and/or offbeat. She's proved she can hold her own comedically in Forgetting Sarah Marshall and as a recurring guest on Starz' Party Down. I'd love to see her impersonate Christina Aguilera in a parody of The Voice.
10. Andrew Garfield
This Hollywood newcomer impressed in The Social Network and will star as Spiderman in 2012. Break out the Bono jokes!
11. Aziz Ansari
Since his days at UCB, Aziz is the breakout comedy star of the last couple years. From hosting the MTV Movie Awards to appearing on the cover of Paper magazine, the 28-year-old has shown off his many talents. While he's there, maybe Tom Haverford will invest in one of Stefan's hot nightclubs!
12. Joel McHale
The Community star still does double duty as host of The Soup. Whether he's reacting to Abed's weirdness or the freakshow that is reality TV, he plays a great straight man. Plop him down in the french-kissing family or Vinny Vedici's talk show for maximum hilarity.
13. Sarah Silverman
Silverman got her start on SNL, writing alongside comics Dave Attell and Jay Mohr. Now that she's a star, she could return home to do some of the raunchier material that wouldn't have flown in the '90s.
14. Stephen Colbert
The veteran improviser and Second City alum once provided the voice of Ace in the Ambiguously Gay Duo cartoons. He's quick on his feet, disappears into a character, and has a huge following. The only thing stopping him is the thin line between the actor Stephen Colbert and the character Stephen Colbert. But the meta aspect of having an actor who's always in character could prove hilarious. It worked for Galifianakis, right?
Who are your top picks?
Now that she's a genuine movie star and sex symbol, it's definitely time for her to host. She seems like the kind of chill-ass girl who can knock a few back and hang with the boys.
2. Jim Parsons
He's racked up an Emmy and a Golden Globe for his work as Sheldon on The Big Bang Theory and is now acting on Broadway in The Normal Heart. I'd love to see him break out of his Sheldon mold on SNL.
3. Jason Segel
Always endearing and lovable, he was the saving grace to the otherwise uneven Bad Teacher, and manages to balance writing/acting in films with his regular gig on How I Met Your Mother. With his Muppet movie slated for release November 2011, he's a shoo-in. Bring out the puppets and the full-frontal nudity! (hopefully not in the same sketch)
4. Toni Collette
In United States of Tara, this Aussie transforms herself into a rambunctious teenager, a '50s housewife and a gruff trucker. No doubt she's got a few more characters and impersonations up her sleeve.
5. Jimmy Fallon
He's refined his voice on Late Night and made a couple of guest appearances in the past couple seasons of SNL, but has never returned as host. Break out the guitar! Bring back Jarrett's room! Let him re-visit the Update desk!
6. Chelsea Handler
She may not be for everyone, but she's a major force in comedy and the only female talk show host in late night. With an upcoming sitcom on NBC and a fourth book out now, this could be the year of Chelsea.
8. Ellie Kemper & Mindy Kaling
This one's a long shot, but with Kemper's role in Bridesmaids this summer and Kaling's book Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? coming out in the fall, these Office girls could be a powerhouse hosting team. Plus, Subtle Sexuality would make a great musical guest!
9. Kristen Bell
Since Veronica Mars wrapped, Bell has chosen projects that veered toward raunchy, nerdy and/or offbeat. She's proved she can hold her own comedically in Forgetting Sarah Marshall and as a recurring guest on Starz' Party Down. I'd love to see her impersonate Christina Aguilera in a parody of The Voice.
10. Andrew Garfield
This Hollywood newcomer impressed in The Social Network and will star as Spiderman in 2012. Break out the Bono jokes!
11. Aziz Ansari
Since his days at UCB, Aziz is the breakout comedy star of the last couple years. From hosting the MTV Movie Awards to appearing on the cover of Paper magazine, the 28-year-old has shown off his many talents. While he's there, maybe Tom Haverford will invest in one of Stefan's hot nightclubs!
12. Joel McHale
The Community star still does double duty as host of The Soup. Whether he's reacting to Abed's weirdness or the freakshow that is reality TV, he plays a great straight man. Plop him down in the french-kissing family or Vinny Vedici's talk show for maximum hilarity.
13. Sarah Silverman
Silverman got her start on SNL, writing alongside comics Dave Attell and Jay Mohr. Now that she's a star, she could return home to do some of the raunchier material that wouldn't have flown in the '90s.
14. Stephen Colbert
The veteran improviser and Second City alum once provided the voice of Ace in the Ambiguously Gay Duo cartoons. He's quick on his feet, disappears into a character, and has a huge following. The only thing stopping him is the thin line between the actor Stephen Colbert and the character Stephen Colbert. But the meta aspect of having an actor who's always in character could prove hilarious. It worked for Galifianakis, right?
Who are your top picks?
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Boo me off the stage!!!
The Boo Off is a time-honored Hot Soup tradition in which a comedian or regular schmo attempts to get boo-ed off the stage. Here's me doing it on my birthday this year.
Monday, July 4, 2011
Nostalgia is tricky.
Things it’s cool to be nostalgic about:
Salem from Sabrina the Teenage Witch
Jackee
Wilson Phillips’ Hold On
Face from Nickelodeon
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
Goodburger
Twin Peaks
Angelfire web pages
Thing it’s passe to be nostalgic about:
The Chip ‘n’ Dales theme song
Legends of the Hidden Temple
Journey’s Don’t Stop Believing
the Smurfs
pogs
Betty White
when the Beach Boys were on Full House
the Electric Slide
Disney Adventures magazine
Things it’s not cool yet to be nostalgic about:
Game of Thrones
pre-puberty Justin Bieber (aka pre-pube-Bieb)
the Industrial Revolution
Anthony Weiner’s dick pics
the Menendez brothers
Kath & Kim
Garfield 2: A Tale of Two Kitties
Donald Trump’s presidential campaign
the Arcade Fire
Chainmail
Criminal Minds
I come back to this article when I’m losing perspective.
“There are dreams and there are career plans. They are not the same. Some dreams are compensatory: visions that we retreat to in times of stress, like blankies for infants, things that comfort us and tell us what we need to be told. The dream of being a famous writer can be like that: a dream of infantile power and attention that disguises the more immediate need — for safety, self-love, serenity, peace in our hearts.
But the work, that is another thing. The real work is staggering; the real work is work. It is not dream. It is pushing against the wall; it is hearing what we do not want to hear; it is doing the numbers; it is learning the new terms as they come along; it is sitting through evaluations and self-evaluations. It is an eternal object lesson in our powerlessness and our smallness. The real work is grinding and slow.
…When seen from afar, like a rainbow, the dream is radiant and seductive; but when you are in it, there is just a lot of steam. There are men moving scenery, huffing and puffing. It is the factory of the dream.
…Remember: You are closer to your dream than ever before. You are getting to it. The closer you get to it, the less it will seem like a dream, and the more it will seem like a job.”
Cary Tennis’ advice on working towards your dreams
But the work, that is another thing. The real work is staggering; the real work is work. It is not dream. It is pushing against the wall; it is hearing what we do not want to hear; it is doing the numbers; it is learning the new terms as they come along; it is sitting through evaluations and self-evaluations. It is an eternal object lesson in our powerlessness and our smallness. The real work is grinding and slow.
…When seen from afar, like a rainbow, the dream is radiant and seductive; but when you are in it, there is just a lot of steam. There are men moving scenery, huffing and puffing. It is the factory of the dream.
…Remember: You are closer to your dream than ever before. You are getting to it. The closer you get to it, the less it will seem like a dream, and the more it will seem like a job.”
Cary Tennis’ advice on working towards your dreams
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